I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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