All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The beer is more important than you right now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize