your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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