You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
