I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
