Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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