the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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