Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
