I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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