I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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