His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
look no pants
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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