If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i think im in europe. pls send help
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
