dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
