this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize