i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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