Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
