Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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