What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
