Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
