and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
