he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
A bitchslap is in order.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
