Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
