the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
