that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
