Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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