I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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