Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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