I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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