??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
