my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
