i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
