wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
