it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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