I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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