Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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