omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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