The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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So many bounce houses so little time
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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