HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
