I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
