i permit you to call me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
