I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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