So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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