she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
