I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
