It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
