Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize