never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
