I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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