you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
