Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
