i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
