So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
