i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
