I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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