Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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