i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
