Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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