I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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