"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
