You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
