Non-Jews are for practice
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
