Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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