dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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