i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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