im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
